A year ago on July 10th (which is my birthday) Shannon and I went to Willow Ridge Winery and then we were going to supper for my birthday. While we were at the Winery, Shannon got up and got on one knee and proposed to me! It was one of the most special days of my life. Now notice I say one, and the reason for that is because a couple sitting near us saw it all happen and they just happened to be celebrating their anniversary. They introduced themselves to us and we have kept in touch on Facebook ever since that day. They have touched our hearts in so many ways that I cant even explain it in words. We have only seen them in person once(well I seen them another time when they came by to get a patio table) But they are a couple that Shannon and I look up to, we hope our love can be as strong as theirs is for each other for the rest of our lives. I have been through alot of hard times and Jennifer has help lift me up with her wonderful personality and her great love for God. She is going through some rough times of her own right at the moment yet she is still so strong and is still helping others. She is truly my hero. I don't think it was a coincidence that we were at the same place at the same time. I think it was Gods work. And for that I am forever grateful. And even though we only speak through facebook, Jennifer and Eric Bertoldo you hold a special place in our hearts and we are so very grateful to be able to call you our friends. So I will end this post with something I think is fitting for the subject. God who holds time and chance in his hands,is the only one who can put you in the right place at the right time.
Monday, December 17, 2012
Thursday, December 6, 2012
A lot has happened since I last wrote, I have been hospitilized two more times for depression. Im on all new meds and I hope these help. Im not sure I explained what pushed me over the edge. My 12 year old son decided he wanted to live with his dad, which he is now. The agreement was that he stay at my house one week and his dads the next and every other weekend the same. But I have yet to see him but a few times maybe an hour or so. My heart feels like it has a huge hole in it. I have raised him for 12 years and now I dont even know anything about him anymore. I try calling but usually theres no answer so i text but I dont get very much out of him (because 12 yr olds are not the easiest to talk to) I cant stand the feeling of some other woman raising my child. He had been my purpose in life since the day he was born. And now I have no idea what to do with myself. Ive always been a Mom, and yes I know im still his mom but only from a distance. I am more depressed now than I have ever been. I cry every day and every nite because I miss him so bad. I would do anything to get to tuck him in at night and kiss him and say i love him. I have no friends to do things with, but thank goodness for my Mom, she has been a saint through all of this and so has my hubby. I feel like I need to find out who I am besides being a mom, but it is so hard. It feels like I'm grieving a lost child and even though my child is still alive I am still grieving the loss of him in my house. I am hoping the new meds and the counseling will help. I just want to be the way I use to be. Also since my last hospitalization I had to quit my job because the Dr will not release me til after January 6th. But my boss has been so understanding. We are in a real bind because not only did we lose my income but we also lost child support and those two put together is a big chunk out of our budget. We are doing what we can to get by. I pray to God everyday that he will lead us in the direction were suppose to go. They say he never puts more on your plate than you can handle but I'm thinking my plate is running over.