Living In A Fog

Each and every day is still a struggle for me.  Yes I have some good moments but there hasn't a day gone by that I haven't had some sort of meltdown of some sort.  I read other blogs or other peoples facebook status' and I wonder how they handle everything like a job, family and life in general.  Everyone around me seems so happy, why can't I be happy, what is my problem, why can't I just snap out of this depression?  I feel bad for my husband because I have became this boring wife that cries all the time.  Some days its a struggle for me to get out of bed in the morning and get through as much as I can.  Try to put the sadness out of my life and put one foot in front of the other, why is this so hard for me?  It comes in waves sometimes I feel better, almost like myself and then other times I feel so overwhelmed with sadness and hopelessness that I feel I cant move or breathe.  Some days I hate going out and seeing happy families together because it makes me so sad that I cant have that too.  Everyday feels long and exhausting sometimes.  Some days I feel so dark and depressed I cant imagine making it through all the days ahead of me.  I feel like I have gave my son up for adoption and I am watching a family raise him from afar, I know that's not what is going on but its how I feel.  I never know whats going on with him, I try to call or text and very often do I get a response.  Everyday I just have to get up and put my fake smile on and hope I figure out what God has in store for me.  Because there has to be a reason to be put through this much pain.  I pray every night that I will wake up the next day and this will have all just been a very bad dream.  But for now I just feel as though I am living in a fog, simply going through the motions of day-to-day life as if on autopilot.